Today’s fluff didn’t start the fire

Slowly, they come creeping back. The low flames flickering in the reflections of their bright eyes. Above the susurrating winds and the hushed chitter from the shadows, snatched phrases and tentative negotiating ploys are faintly audible: “Player-plus-cash deal” … “£120,000 a week” … “Six-month loan with a view to a permanent transfer pertaining to a pre-agreed contractual release clause.” The banked fires will be stoked again, fuel brought by willing arms. Out of the darkness they will flit, once more to dance in the circle of light …

[Fade to black]

Yep, the Mill is feeling in fine fettle this morning, as only three days after the transfer window SLAMMED SHUT the gears of spin, cant and innuendo are rapidly grinding back into life. The main target today is the England manager and national pin cushion, Fabio Capello, who is sensationally going to use players we have heard of in a formation that is practically hardwired into the English mentality for tonight’s Euro 2012 qualifier against Bulgaria. Capello’s decision to retain the majority of the squad that fared so badly in South Africa and send his team out in a staid, missionary 4-4-2 met with the usual LOLZ, Roflcopters!!, ZOMG!, lollerblading in my LMAOplane!!!!! response from the tabs. Oh, and the Mirror have decided to Photoshop the Italian up like Frankenstein’s monster too.

From one soon-to-be ex-manager (well, he will be one day) to an ex soon-to-be-new manager, the Daily Mail have announced that Gérard Houllier has got the Aston Villa job. This, of course, would be the same Gérard Houllier who was part of the Fifa technical study group that yesterday doled out praise for England’s 4-4-2 loving World Cup flops. It’s only if you read down far enough that the Mail admit they don’t actually know what job it is Houllier has been given (if given one he has been). “It is as yet unknown in what capacity the Frenchman will return,” the report murmurs. Head of catering, perhaps?

Sticking with the Mail, where the Spartak Moscow manager, Valeri Karpin, is totally into Chelsea’s Yuri Zhirkov. “I was interested, I am now and I will be in the winter,” Karpin cooed in a Facebook message to the Russian left-back. We’ll see how steadfast his affection is come January.

The Mirror delight in the scatological headline possibilities allowed for by Celtic’s decision to sniff, ahem, around Danny Shittu. The former Bolton defender is a free agent, so can sign for who he likes yah-boo-sucks to you, transfer deadline. Leicester also fancy a [big Nigerian centre-half].

After welcoming old new-signing Sandro to England five months after he agreed to join, Spurs have turned their attention to Supersport United’s Bongani Khumalo. Harry Redknapp has typed a number into his calculator (possibly 5318008 and turned it upside down) but the South African side are holding out for an unspecified higher amount. Michael Kightly, meanwhile, overlooked for Wolves’ 25-man Premier League squad, could be sent on loan to Reading and Chris Riggott is to go on trial at Cardiff.

In transfers-that-didn’t-happen news, West Ham’s Valon Behrami is still pining for Roma. “I am disappointed the deal failed to go through – that is for certain,” he told the Sun. “Avram Grant gave me his permission to speak with Roma. But he also said he needs me, with West Ham bottom of the table. I’m sure I’ll still get to play for them.” And they say the Swiss don’t get passionate about things.

Jamie Carragher is going to sign on at Liverpool. No, not for his £64.30 Jobseekers Allowance, but for two more years being given the runaround by the Anfield oppo. Thankfully on this one, Fabio Capello has seen the light. Across La Manche, France’s players have signed up to a good behaviour charter, so says Bacary Sagna. If they’re naughty again like they were at the World Cup, there’ll be no frites for tea, or something.

Benjani has said Manchester City lack “class”. Meh. And Zlatan Ibrahimovic reckons “City are still a side for the future. I chose Milan because they are a team that can win prizes now. City can wait for the future but I can’t.” But can they, Zlatan? Can they?

Finally, exclusive to all newspapers is the news that Cheryl and Ashley Cole are to divorce today. Although the Mill might keep its Cheryl Cole RSS feed – purely in the event that she hooks up with another brother from the fraternity – if that’s all right by you.

Aston VillaChelseaTottenham HotspurCelticAlan Gardnerguardian.co.uk

Pre-season fixtures for the Premier League teams ahead of the 2010-11 season

Arsenal

17 July v Barnet (A) 3pm

21 July v Sturm Graz (A) 6pm

27 July v SC Neusiedl 1919 (A) 6pm

31 July v Milan (H, Emirates Cup) 4.20pm

1 August v Celtic (H, Emirates Cup) 4.20pm

7 August v Legia Warsaw (A) 3pm

Aston Villa

24 July v Bohemians (A) 3pm

27 July v Walsall (A) 7.45pm

31 July v Feyenoord (A) 9.15pm

1 August v Benfica (A) 9.15pm

6 August v Valencia (H) 7.45pm

Birmingham City

18 July v Hong Kong League Selection Team (A) 3pm

21 July v Beijing Guoan FC (A) 7.30pm

24 July v Liaoning Hongyun Football Club (A) 8pm

31 July v Derby County (A) 3pm

3 August v MK Dons (A) 7.30pm

7 August v Real Mallorca (H) 3pm

Blackburn Rovers

10 July v Sturm Graz (A) 5pm

17 July v Fleetwood Town (A) 3pm

20 July v Preston North End (A) 7.45pm

21 July v Huddersfield Town (A) 7.45pm

25 July v Rangers (N, Sydney Festival of Football) 3pm

28 July v AEK Aens (N, Sydney Festival of Football) 6pm

31 July v Sydney FC (A, Sydney Festival of Football) 7.15pm

7 August v Hearts (A) 3pm

Blackpool

16 July v Tiverton Town (A) 7.30pm

20 July v Accrington Stanley (A) 7.30pm

22 July v Kilmarnock (A) 8pm

27 July v Crewe Alexandra (A) 7.30pm

31 July v Bristol City (A) 3pm

Bolton Wanderers

14 July v Charlotte Eagles (A) TBC

17 July v Charleon Battery (A) TBC

17 July v Bamber Bridge (A) 3pm

21 July v Toronto FC (A) TBC

23 July v Chorley (A) 7.30pm

24 July v Rochdale (A) 3pm

27 July v Curzon Ashton (A) 7.45pm

28 July v Morecambe (A) 7.45pm

30 July v Fleetwood Town (A) 7.45pm

31 July v Falkirk (A) 3pm

2 August v Johnstone (A) 7.45pm

4 August v AFC Fylde (A) 7.45pm

6 August v Osasuna (H) TBC

7 August v Barrow (A) 3pm

Chelsea

17 July v Crystal Palace (A) 3pm

23 July v Ajax (A) 8pm

1 August v Eintracht Frankfurt (A) 3pm

4 August v Hamburg (A) 8pm

Everton

10 July v Sydney FC (A) 7.30pm

14 July v Melbourne Heart (A) 7.30pm

17 July v Brisbane Roar (A) 7.30pm

24 July v Preston North End (A) 3pm

31 July v Norwich City (A) 3pm

4 August v Everton Chile (H) 8pm

7 August v Wolfsburg (A) 4pm

Fulham

14 July v Brentford (A) 8pm

17 July v Bournemouth (A) 3pm

31 July v Portsmouth (A) 3pm

Liverpool

17 July v Al Hilal (A) 6pm

21 July v Grasshopper (A) 6.30pm

24 July v Kaiserslautern (A) TBC

1 August v Borussia Mönchengladbach (A) 1.30pm

Manchester City

23rd July v Sporting Lisbon (A, New York Football Challenge) 8pm

25 July v New York Red Bulls (A, New York Football Challenge) 3pm

28 July v Club America (A) 8pm

31 July v Internazionale (A) 8pm

4 August v Borussia Dortmund (A) 8pm

Manchester United

16 July v Celtic (N) TBC

21 July v Philadelphia Union (A) 7.30pm

25 July v Kansas City Wizards (A) 5pm

28 July v MLS All-Stars (N) 6pm

4 August v League of Ireland XI (N) TBC

Newcastle United

17 July v Carlisle United (A) TBC

24 July v Norwich City (A) 3pm

31 July v PSV Eindhoven (H) TBC

7 August v Rangers (A) TBC

Stoke City

22 July v Nantwich Town (A) 7pm

22 July v Notts County (A) 7.45pm

24 July v Newcastle Town (A) 2.30pm

27 July v Derby County (A) 7.45pm

31 July v Burnley (H) 3pm

3 August v Bristol Rovers (A) 7.45pm

6 August v Wrexham (A) 7.45pm

Sunderland

17 July v Darlington (A) 3pm

Tottenham Hotspur

10 July v Bournemouth (A) 3pm

17 July v San Jose Earquakes (A) TBC

29 July v Villarreal (H) 8pm

3 August v Benfica (A) 7.45pm

7 August v Fiorentina (H) 3pm

West Bromwich Albion

20 July v Crewe Alexandra (A) 7.30pm

24 July v Bristol Rovers (A) 3pm

West Ham United

24 July v Burton Albion (A) 3pm

Wigan Athletic

20 July v Oldham (A) 7.45pm

4 August v Real Zaragoza (H) 7.45pm

8 August v Dundee United (A) 3pm

Wolverhampton Wanderers

17 July v Bohemians (A) 3pm

20 July v Walsall (A) 7.45pm

24 July v Charleroi (A) TBC

27 July v Reading (A) 8pm

30 July v Cheltenham Town (A) 7.45pm

31 July v Leeds United (A) 3pm

3 August v Hearts (A) 7pm

7 August v Athletic Bilbao (H) 3pm

Premier LeagueArsenalAston VillaBirmingham CityBlackburn RoversBlackpoolBolton WanderersChelseaEvertonFulhamLiverpoolManchester CityManchester UnitedNewcastle UnitedStoke CitySunderlandTottenham HotspurWest BromWest Ham UnitedWigan AthleticWolverhampton Wanderersguardian.co.uk

• Redknapp reveals initial contact made with Chelsea
• Cole will not discuss move until after World Cup

Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp has admitted that a deal to sign Chelsea’s Joe Cole is “not impossible”, but that the midfielder’s agent has said no moves will be discussed until after the World Cup.

Redknapp, responding to questions about reports linking him with the England midfielder, told Talksport: “It’s not impossible. I think that Daniel [Levy], the chairman, has spoken to Joe’s agent and he said that Joe didn’t want to discuss any moves until after the World Cup. Then he’s going to look at his options.

“But he’s told us that he hasn’t decided anything yet and he hasn’t done anything definite. So there’s a chance.

“I suppose it all depends on the financial side of it and everything else, but according to his agent he’s not made up his mind yet.”

Michael Ballack’s agent Michael Becker, meanwhile, said his client was “completely surprised” to be told he will follow Cole out of Chelsea this summer.

Becker told German broadcaster RTL Ballack would have been willing to take a pay cut to stay with Chelsea and that he would even have accepted a one-year deal with an option for a second year based on appearances. “He has not spoken to Chelsea for three months,” said Becker.

Tottenham HotspurChelseaHarry RedknappEnglandTransfer windowguardian.co.uk