It would be hard not to develop a fondness for the Chelsea manager while reading his smart and surprising book

It is difficult, perhaps even unpleasant, to imagine Sir Alex Ferguson or Arsène Wenger kicking off a chapter of their autobiography as follows: “There are times when I stand up in front of a full-length mirror and act like a contortionist. I twist my neck and I stare at my ass. My fat butt cheeks aren’t a particularly edifying spectacle but… over time it’s taught me a lesson: my ass is earthquake-proof.”

That is how Carlo Ancelotti begins the chapter of his book in which he ponders his ability to thrive in an array of precarious positions, from being Silvio Berlusconi’s dream-weaver at Milan to Roman Abramovich’s avatar at Chelsea. That gambit is in keeping with the tone of the whole tome: jocular, smart, surprising. Even if you never had any interest in getting to know more about the Chelsea manager as a man, if you happened to pick up his book you’d probably read it all the way through. And develop quite a fondness for the guy.

David Brent has taught us to be wary of anyone who purports to be both a manager and an entertainer but Ancelotti appears to have enough tact, timing and self-awareness to pull it off (though doubts are raised when he devotes another chapter to a staggeringly lame prank played on Mathieu Flamini at Milan). “He is an unparalleled comedian,” gushes Paolo Maldini in the foreword, overstating things slightly, but that excess, too, is in keeping with the tone of a book in which a constant theme is the subject’s gluttony. On virtually every page there is a self-deprecating gag about Ancelotti’s insatiable love of food, the device becoming so prevalent that it is not clear whether he is joking when he writes at one point that “only once in my life have I felt like I needed a psychiatrist … I was looking at Yuri Zhirkov and all I could see was a rib-eye steak.”

The book’s title, it’s true, does not suggest self-deprecation will feature strongly but The Beautiful Games of an Ordinary Genius was probably not chosen by him. Then again, it might have been, since we also learn that he can be vengeful and sardonic and the ordinary genius bit could be construed as a dig at José Mourinho, the Special One who, unlike Ancelotti, never guided Chelsea to the Double.

The Italian admits in his book that Mourinho riled him during the pair’s time in Milan and even though he insists that they met before Chelsea’s clash with Internazionale in last season’s Champions League and agreed to halt their public jousting, he still can’t resist referring to the Portuguese throughout as His Specialness, The Great Communicator, He Who Knows, the Lord of the Press Conference or, somewhat hypocritically given these sarcastic barbs, The Immense Provocateur. Yet Ancelotti is also fair and confident enough to reveal that Mourinho left an archive of training exercises at Stamford Bridge from which he has learned a lot.

“It is a sign of his considerable intelligence that he does not try to do everything himself,” writes Maldini, again in the foreword, and Ancelotti also explains what he learned from Arrigo Sacchi, Nils Liedholm and Sven-Goran Eriksson as well as the “teeny-weeny bit” that he picked up from Fabio Capello, whom he does not particularly like (and it seems he was not alone in that – Ruud Gullit, according to Ancelotti, once flew into a funk with England’s fearsome leader, seized him by the lapels and hung him from a hook in the Milan dressing room). No doubt it is easier to acknowledge the debt owed to other innovators when your own inventions have proven to be successful and Ancelotti details with pride how he devised the Christmas Tree formation and responded to Berlusconi’s demands for successful, entertaining football.

Chelsea’s goal sprees under him suggest he is well set to please Abramovich just as much, though there is understandably a lot less detail in the book about Chelsea than there is about his time in Italy, during which the English team that preoccupied him most was Liverpool, from when they beat his beloved Roma in the 1984 European Cup final to the bonkers six minutes in Istanbul in 2005 during which, Ancelotti confesses, his mind went completely blank. Again, of course, it is easier to make such admissions when you have subsequently triumphed, and he describes how Milan cheered Liverpool all the way to the final two years later before taking a measure of revenge.

Ancelotti yearns for revenge. And he is royally bored by Sacchi’s love of flowers. And he tries to break an opponent’s ankle. And he calls Zlatan Ibrahimovic childish names. And he feels awkward when Ferguson invites him for a glass of wine at Old Trafford after a match and then doesn’t say a word to him but instead sits down to watch horse racing, leaving Ancelotti to sidle sheepishly away. And he swears and jokes and has kept meticulous files on matches ever since, as Sacchi’s assistant, he had to note down every single kick and run of every single Italy game. He is simple and deep, straightforward and unpredictable. He is human, and does not pretend to be anything more. Perhaps that is what helps make Ancelotti seem so affable, his book so engaging and his teams so relaxed yet solid and driven.

His one big remaining ambition is to coach an African team at the World Cup because, he explained at yesterday’s launch of the English edition of his book, “they have the physical and technical skills but do not yet produce teams worthy of their potential”. That’s what Ancelotti tends to do. When he’s not eating.

Carlo AncelottiChelseaMilanSport and leisurePaul Doyleguardian.co.uk

The pod squad is suited and booted for your brand new Football Weekly.

We start with the FA Cup, where Harry Redknapp could be set for another encounter with Portsmouth, and Aston Villa came from behind against Reading to set up a semi-final with Chelsea – for whom John Terry was the perfect gentleman in his victory celebration and post-match interview. Barry Glendenning gives his thoughts.

James Richardson looks ahead to Milan’s trip to Manchester United in the Champions League, and Sean Ingle remembers that Liverpool are still involved in Europe (and Fulham and Juventus too, for that matter).

Sid Lowe tells us about a dramatic weekend in Spain, where Real Madrid went ahead of Barcelona in La Liga for the first time in three months.

Finally, John Ashdown regales us with tales from the Championship, where it is Newcastle United’s title to lose. That said, stranger things have happened, especially to the Magpies. Good job they’ve got Spiderman playing on the wing.

Have a listen and post your feedback below. We’re also on iTunes, Facebook and Twitter, and if you enjoy this type of thing, get your daily dose of fooball with our tea-time email, The Fiver.

James RichardsonBen GreenSid LoweJohn AshdownBarry GlendenningSean Ingle

• Chelsea face reunion with former manager at Internazionale
• Beckham’s Milan meet Manchester United in draw for last 16

Carlo Ancelotti has vowed not to be provoked by José Mourinho’s trademark “mind games” after the draw for the knockout phase of the Champions League gave the Special One a mouth-watering return to Chelsea with Internazionale.

That is not the only reunion thrown up by the competition, with David Beckham due back at Manchester United with Milan, where the England midfielder will begin a loan spell from Los Angeles Galaxy next month. Yet it is Mourinho’s return to Stamford Bridge, where he won the club’s first league titles in half a century during a glittering three-and-a-half-year spell, that catches the imagination, particularly given the strained relationship he endured with Ancelotti, then at Milan, in Serie A last season.

The pair clashed verbally as Mourinho claimed the Serie A title for Inter but failed to secure the club’s principal objective, the European Cup. “There were some problems, some questions and discussions in the papers, but I like him as a coach,” said Ancelotti. “He’s a fantastic coach who won in Portugal, in England, in Italy. Everywhere. But I’m not able to discuss his character. I will speak of him as a coach and nothing else. It isn’t a problem that we don’t have a good relationship. This can be a good opportunity to improve that.

“It will be an emotional game for him. He did a fantastic job here, so to play against Chelsea won’t be easy for him. But this match is Chelsea versus Inter, a football match between two of the most important teams in Europe. Nothing else. I have experience [of what he'll try to do] but I’m not ready to play mind games. I never will be ready to play these games. I prefer to play football matches and I’ve never thought that a football game is a match between coaches. I will try and find a weakness in their team but not in a fellow coach.”

Ancelotti was more critical of Mourinho in his autobiography, Preferisco la Coppa, in which he referred to the Inter coach as “His Mourinhoness, comparing himself to Jesus” and “His Specialness”. The pair went head-to-head in pre-season, when Chelsea won 2-0 in a friendly in Pasadena yet both avoided talk of their frosty past. The Chelsea chief executive, Ron Gourlay, said the former manager’s return would be “spectacular” yet, for all that Mourinho will be afforded a tumultuous reception by fans, it could prove an awkward obstacle for the London side.

“Going back to Stamford Bridge will be an added motivation for Mourinho,” said the Inter president, Massimo Moratti, who had seen the Portuguese’s relationship with the Chelsea owner, Roman Abramovich, steadily deteriorate. “It’s better to have those strong motivations and, against Chelsea, we’ll certainly have those.”

Beckham, too, will be relishing a return to old haunts having progressed through the youth ranks at Old Trafford to win six Premier League titles and a European Cup under Sir Alex Ferguson before leaving for Real Madrid in 2003. “He did a lot of great things for Manchester United and I want to say to him: ‘Welcome home’,” said United’s left-back Patrice Evra. “He is still one of the best right-footed players in the world. But I intend to make sure he doesn’t do very well.”

The Rossoneri have edged out United in all four two-leg ties between the sides, including three semi-finals, to offer an indication of the challenge ahead for Ferguson’s team. Arsenal’s smooth progress through the group phase has seen them given a tie against Porto, familiar opponents in recent Champions League campaigns, and the holders, Barcelona, confront Stuttgart.

Carlo AncelottiJose MourinhoChelseaInternazionaleChampions LeagueManchester UnitedDavid BeckhamMilanDominic Fifieldguardian.co.uk