Today’s tattle is enjoying the caravan. Static, naturally

“Does a struggling salesman start turning up on a bicycle? No, he turns up in a newer car. Perception, yeah? They got to trust me – I’m taking these guys into battle, yeah? And I’m doing my own stapling.”

It seems Steve Bruce has been reading the David Brent’s guide to surviving in the workplace. The Sunderland manager, reports the Mirror, will meet with the club owner Ellis Short this week and ask not only to keep his job but for more money to spend in January. His chief target is, funnily enough, a targetman – Wolfsburg’s Papiss Cisse, while Ahmed Mehmedi of FC Zurich and Tottenham’s 6ft Russian frustration Roman Pavlyuchenko, also sit high on his shopping list.

Elsewhere in the north east, Alan Pardew – having clearly missed what transpired at Middlesbrough when Gordon Strachan began raiding the aisles of the Lidl that is the SPL – wants to bring Celtic captain Scott Brown to Newcastle. The Diouf-bothering midfielder is out of contract at the end of the season and would only cost around £1.5m

Also on Pardew’s hitlist for the January sales is the Holland international left-back Erik Pieters, currently of PSV. Mike Ashley will have to rummage down the back of his settee to find £3m among the crisp crumbs and ring pulls.

Chelsea’s scouts have earned their Going-To-Sicily-To-Watch-A-Football-Match badge after running the rule over Palermo’s Josip Ilicic at the weekend. Palermo will demand around £25m for the Slovenian midfielder, who has also roused the interest of Internazionale. André Villas-Boas also fancies another raid on Barcelona’s back-up – 19-year-old midfielder Sergi Roberto would cost £5m.

One player not heading to Stamford Bridge, though, is 15-year-old wonderkid Javier Gonzalez, who rose to attention after scoring an improbable 20 goals in seven youth games at Laredo. Chelsea and Arsenal were apparently keen, but he’ll join Real Madrid instead.

Paris St-Germain want the Makelele role to be performed in their technical area after losing patience with Antoine Kombouare. The eponymous Claude is top of their shortlist, although Carlo Ancelotti has already said ‘Non, merci’ to their advances.

Leeds want to solve their goalkeeping troubles with the signing of 6ft 6in “German stopper” Thorsten Stuckmann from Preston. And Aidy Boothroyd will return to football today as manager of Northampton Town.

André Villas-BoasSunderlandChelseaNewcastle UnitedLeeds UnitedJohn Ashdownguardian.co.uk

Nominally a wide man, Mata is as comfortable flitting across the Chelsea line as Silva is for City or Modric is for Tottenham

Juan Mata returns to the Estadio Mestalla on Wednesday evening as the smooth operator in André Villas-Boas’s Chelsea project. As with David Silva at Manchester City and Tottenham Hotspur’s Luka Modric, Roman Abramovich’s threshing machine has now acquired a string-puller whose flair is transforming their play.

Mata says of Villas-Boas’s new blueprint: “It’s very important for me to have confidence in the manager’s ideas. We talked about the different styles that could be used. He is very much in favour of a very offensive dynamic style of play.

“He has a very modern way of thinking. He has a system that he believes in and he is trying hard to implement. But once the game begins, it is the character of the players which will define the outcome.”

The latest evidence that Mata is becoming Villas-Boas’s essential onfield lieutenant in the Chelsea style revolution could be found against Swansea City on Saturday. After 29 minutes the 23-year-old wandered inside to the “hole” position, lifted a precise pass into the area and found the clever run of Fernando Torres, before his countryman scored.

Mata, a £23.5m buy from the club that sold David Villa to Barcelona and Silva to City in the summer of 2010, has slotted instantly into Villas-Boas’s team and thinking. The Portuguese is attempting the difficult transition of continuing to guarantee onfield success while easing back on the contribution and influence of some of the Chelsea old guard as he looks to add the dynamic passing and pace which Mata speaks of.

Villas-Boas says: “The most important thing is that the ideas you want to sell, the players are able to buy it – that it doesn’t seem so out of the ordinary that they are not able to commit and die for the cause.”

Frank Lampard has been the key mover in the Chelsea attack for the past decade but the former Real Madrid youth player could be the new fulcrum. Raul Meireles took Lampard’s starting berth against Swansea, but the Spaniard’s arrival appears to have deeper significance for the 33-year-old’s future as his 20 goal a season, box-to-box industry starts to fade.

Even Lampard understands how Mata may shape Chelsea’s future. He says: “It is nice to introduce a different sort of player, someone who can flit into the hole and then be out wide again. It’s a great thing for the fans to see and a great option if the game is a bit stale. It might create a bit of magic. To see Mata delivering early on and also flitting inside – playing his one-twos and looking so sharp – that kind of alternative will be great to see in our play.”

Wearing his favourite No10 shirt Mata appears the classic playmaker who can run a game and deliver goals. He scored 33 in 129 appearances for Valencia; in his five Chelsea matches so far he has scored twice. Nominally a wide man, as Lampard notes, Mata is as comfortable moving across the Chelsea line as Silva is for City or Modric is for Spurs.

Mata says: “I’m quite lucky in that I can play in different positions, so I can adapt my game and develop my own style of opponents and the position I need to play. It very much depends on the game and you have to adapt to each time you play, depending on the team-mates that you have around you and where they find themselves. It also changes if you are playing against a more closed defence or a more open team.

“I think it’s a case of moving around to create that space so passes can be made. You need to open up the field a bit more against some teams because they have a very closed defence. As a team looking to attack, we have to consider the importance of our wide players, especially our full-backs, [José] Bosingwa and Ashley Cole, who can open up the game to create more space for passing, which in turn creates more chances to score goals.

“Little by little we are gaining confidence and adapting to the manager’s idea of the way we should be playing – as a strong fast and dynamic team.”

Mata’s first Champions League experience came in December 2008 at Stamford Bridge when he entered as a 74th-minute substitute in a goalless draw. Now he is the Chelsea main man who hopes to bring down his former team.

ChelseaChampions League 2011-12Champions LeagueAndré Villas-BoasJamie Jacksonguardian.co.uk