Today’s rumours are the resurrection
Carlos Tevez walks into a book shop. Goes up to the counter and says to the shop assistant: “I want a book about chutzpah and I want you to pay for it.” Or at least that was the gist of reporting by Her Majesty’s fourth estate on Sunday when news that the Argentina striker had handed in a written transfer request to Manchester City screamed out of the radio.
Twenty-four hours have seen a reverse ferret of epic proportions with Carlitos now the wronged party, done down by the machinations of “certain executives and individuals at the club” who have left their relationship “broken down” and “beyond repair”. He is at pains to point out that he still loves Sheikh Manosur, Roberto Mancini, the fans, the colour sky blue, Mel Torme’s version of Blue Moon, snoods, Francis Lee, Colin Bell and Mike Summerbee, Oasis’s first two albums, Curly Watts out of Coronation Street, Eddie Large but not “Supersonic” Syd Little, inflatable bananas and Vimto. But as for that Garry Cook and Brian Marwood …
Anyway, the upshot is that he’s off and to get away, ideally to Boca Juniors, who can afford neither his transfer fee nor his wages, he is prepared to go on strike and refuse to play for the first team ever again. The Daily Mail says Chelsea are “monitoring the situation” which is a new euphemism that means “wetting themselves in hysterics”. Could he also be swapped with Liverpool for Fernando Torres asks the Mail, rhetorically. Well he could, but he won’t.
Elsewhere Aston Villa are in turmoil after a training ground bust-up involving Richard Dunne and Gary McAllister. Apparently Dunne told Gérard Houllier’s right-hand man that his methods were antediluvian and walked off the pitch. According to the Mirror, other gripes include Houllier’s banning of mobile phones from Bodymoor Heath, fewer days off and the injunction that dressing-room banter should be focused solely on football and not on other subjects, such as dialectical materialism and the Schleswig-Holstein question. To cheer himself up Houllier has stripped Dunne of the captaincy, is getting ready to sell Stephen Ireland to anyone who will have him and sign Demba Ba from Hoffenheim for £6m and Iraklis Thessaloniki’s Apostolos Vellios for £2m.
Alan Pardew or “Alan Cheerer” (Geddit?) as the Mirror have dubbed him is fighting a losing battle with Bolton for Swansea’s Darren Pratley. Wigan had hoped to steal in and pinch him too but Wanderers have got the edge and will do a deal in January to sign him for nowt in the summer. Pardew will also fail in his attempt to recruit his favourite former No2 Peter Grant to St James’ Park. He’s stopping with Alex McLeish at Birmingham City, or “Glum Brum” as they’re known by the tabloids today after the Wolves defeat.
Blackburn reckon £3m will prise Charlie Adam out of Blackpool to play in front of Sam Allardyce’s “bunch of old women” while Tottenham have set their sights on Internazionale’s Italy full-back Davide Santon. According to his agent “there is no clarity from the coach” about playing Santon in his right-back role. Poor Rafael Benítez. Why all the criticism? Does white liquid in a bottle always have to be milk? That move may be kiboshed by Inter sacking Benítez and replacing him with Fabio Capello according to calciomercato.
Everton are going to cash in on Steven Piennar before he walks away for nothing in July, flogging him to Spurs for £3m and buying an unnamed striker with the cash. David Moyes would rather be rid of Johnny Heitinga, Diniyar Bilyaletdinov and the man the Guardian style guide insists we call Yakubu Ayegbeni but can find no takers.
Carlos TevezManchester CityChelseaAston VillaRob Bagchiguardian.co.uk
