Today’s Mill wants to see Charlize’s balls

The Mill is feeling as isolated as a Rastafarian at a Michael Bublé concert right now. While the rest of the country, nay, the planet, is holding its breath in anticipation of the World Cup draw from South Africa later today, all this hearty soul can focus on is the ongoing whirlwind of speculation and suggestion that adds such vivid colour to the domestic game. Who, for instance, needs Charlize Theron telling us Argentina are going to face Portugal in Polokwane next June when there lies in front of us the prospect of David Nugent turning his loan deal from Portsmouth to Burnley into a permanent transfer? Not the Mill, that’s for sure.

According to the Daily Mirror, the Burnley manager, Owen Coyle, is planning to speak to Avram Grant soon about making “one-time England striker Nugent” a regular presence at Turf Moor. Grant can of course say no but why would he considering Portsmouth’s problems with paying their players right now? The Fratton Park HR department would certainly welcome a reduction in the number of wage slips it has to fail to send out.

At Grant’s former club, Chelsea, there are plans to sign the Internazionale striker Mario Balotelli. Carlo Ancelotti apparently wants to bring the highly rated 19-year-old in as cover for Didier Drogba and Salomon Kalou when the pair depart for the African Cup of Nations next month. Such a move would no doubt upset the already irritable Arsène Wenger who is said to also be keen on signing Balotelli, principally to make up for the long-term loss of Robin van Persie.

In another setback for Wenger (how much can one man take?) it is also being reported today that Theo Walcott is out of tomorrow’s visit of Stoke with a hamstring strain. The winger will test the muscle in training this afternoon but apparently stands little chance of facing Tony Pulis’s men.

What’s that the Mill hears? It sounds like a monster coming over the hill. Oh no, its Laurent Robert. Robert, I hear you ask, didn’t he quit football a few summers back to set up a jazz club on the outskirts of Aix-les-Bains? A cosy little place where they give you a complimentary cigar with every double espresso? Well, no actually. The often frustrating winger is still floating about and is now, according to the Sun, keen to rejoin Newcastle. “I speak to Laurent a lot and he told me he’d love to come back,” the Toon’s new French signing Fabrice Pancrate is reported as saying. Apparently, Pancrate has passed Robert’s number on to manager Chris Houghton and told him to give the 34-year-old a call. The words “breath” and “don’t hold your” spring quickly to mind.

Should Robert be spurned by his old club then there is always the prospect of a move to Birmingham City. The club’s new owner, Carson Yeung, has promised to spend between £20m and £40m next month with his vice-chairman, Sammy Yu, suggesting that the Blues might do “something unexpected” during the transfer window. Oh Laurent, your BlackBerry is ringing …

OK, OK, there’s a World Cup happening soon and the Mill knows it can’t bury its head in the sand forever. Here goes then … oh look, Asda has won the right to sell official World Cup merchandise next year after its parent company, Wal-Mart, made a deal with Fifa.

That means it will be the only discount retailer allowed to have “official event stores” selling branded footballs, cups, key rings, sticker sets and cuddly toys.

Speaking of cuddly toys, Sam Allardyce is expected to return to the Blackburn dugout for tomorrow’s visit of Liverpool following a two-week absence during which time he underwent heart surgery.

He may want to sit down, though, as Fernando Torres is also expected to make a return in the same fixture.

Right then Theron, bring on the balls …

BurnleyChelseaCarlo AncelottiArsenalArsène WengerNewcastle UnitedBirmingham CityBlackburn RoversSachin Nakraniguardian.co.uk